InstaGran is Ruth Greenthorpe, a 79-year-old widow. With an active mind and a youthful outlook on life, Ruth has taken extremely well to a dated iPhone, donated to her from her grandson in a bid to keep her occupied whilst recovering from a hip replacement operation.
Ruth loves taking pictures on her iPhone and has become somewhat of an unlikely vigilante. Ruth secretly films antisocial and illegal activity throughout her community and posts the pictures onto InstaGram using an anonymous username. She then sends links of posts to the local police who can make their own decision how best to tackle the ousted criminals.
Scene opens with Ruth’s daughter, Val and two young children (aged 10 and 13) visiting Ruth in her rest home lounge area.
Hi mam, lovely to see you. How’ve you been keeping? Have you been keeping up with the royal babies at all?
Hello love, I certainly have yes. They do grow up fast don’t they? (Turns to her grandchildren). Just like you two. Look at you! How are you both?
Before the grandchildren can reply. Val leans into Ruth and lowers her tone.
Oh mam, they’re OK, but they’re fed up! It’s the school holidays and they can’t even go to the park without finding ‘things’ there! You know, adult things. A group of bloody perverts are using the car park next to the children’s play area for a bloody dogging group aren’t they.
The camera zooms in on Ruth’s squinting, cross and determined-looking eyes and Val’s ongoing dialogue becomes echoed and distorted. It becomes apparent that Ruth is plotting revenge. Zooms back out of Ruth’s eyes and Val becomes audible once more.
…..so apart from that, Toby’s moved up into math’s group 7 and Susie’s having another filling, aren’t you dear (looks to Susie, who nods enthusiastically). Too much cola and sweets isn’t it dear?
Ahhh Toby, Maths group 7. I’m so proud of you and Susie! You’ll have no teeth left love. It’s a good job we grow a second pair isn’t it?
Grandma, have you still got my old phone?
Oh yes dear, I’ve still got your old phone. You know if it wasn’t for that that phone I think I might still be in hospital now
Well if you need any help using it let me know
(Unconvincingly) Oh no dear, it’s far too complicated for your old gran, but at least I can call your mother if I need anything and I can speak to the pair of you too!
The camera fades out and cuts back into Ruth in her room, capably scrolling through her apps on her iPhone. The Instagram icon comes into focus. The camera cuts to Ruth’s determined, squinting gaze.
So. The park’s now out of bounds to the kids is it? The car park is being used for adult activities? Not for long I hear. Not for long!
Ruth looks away from her iPhone and opens her wardrobe door to reveal a very badly knitted jump suit emblazoned with a primary-coloured logo reading “InstaGran”. There is a dark yellow patch around the crotch.
It is now around 8pm. Ruth is sat on her mobility scooter dressed in her InstaGran suit and positioned just behind a bush. There is a car parked in the car park. Another car pulls in front of this one and flashes its lights. InstaGran starts to take pictures using her iPhone.
A man arrives back at his car. He is a well-known and respected MP. He has clearly been using the park for running and he looks worn out. He is wearing skimpy running shorts and is breathing heavily.
Well, well. If it isn’t local MP, Stephen Green. Right you filthy pervert. It’s InstaGran time!
InstaGran starts to take pictures of the MP getting into his car. The camera focuses onto InstaGran’s iPhone where she is publishing pictures of the MP to her InstaGram (or similar) account and adding the comment “MP Stephen Green caught dogging with other local perverts”. She hits publish.
MP Stephen Green then catches sight of InstaGran, gets out of his car and approaches her.
MP STEPHEN GREEN
Erm, excuse me, you seem to be taking photographs of me. Can I ask you not to please?
Oh what, because you’re busted? You filthy pervert!
MP STEPHEN GREEN
Erm, I beg your pardon?
Look at you. Half naked. Getting into peoples cars for god knows what. I suppose you’re going to tell me that all these used condoms the kids have been eating are nothing to do with you are you. You disgusting pig. And a member of parliament too. All out of breath, like a sex worker.
MP STEPHEN GREEN
I have just been running. I run in this park.
Then who’s that in the car
MP STEPHEN GREEN
That’s my daughter. Now look here. Who are you? I’m going to call the police.
Just then, the window of Stephen Green’s car winds down. His daughter is holding her iPhone to his attention.
STEPHEN GREENS DAUGHTER
Dad, you’d better come here quickly
Stephen Green walks back to his car and his daughter desperately demonstrates her InstaGram account on her phone to him. He gets into his car and locks the doors.
You can run you pedophile, but you can’t hide from InstaGran. You can’t hide from social networking you sex beast.
The camera fades out and fades back in. The police pull into the car park and pull up next to MP Stephen Green’s car. Stephen Green winds down his window and gestures to the police over to where InstaGran is sat. The police begin to walk over to her.
Ha, you saw my post on social media. What are you waiting for?
Ruth, can you stop doing this please. It’s every bloody week.
I’m InstaGran. I’ll never reveal my true identity. And I’ll continue bringing those who do wrong to justice.
RUTH. We are going to arrest you if you don’t stop this.
I knew it. Bloody bent coppers in on the whole thing. Perverts too are you. I suppose those condoms that the kids have been eating are yours (mimes picking up a condom as a child and eating it)
InstaGran starts to take pictures of the policemen.
Ruth Greenthorpe. I am arresting you on suspicion of harassment and standing in the way of a policeman carrying out his duty.